Happy Valentines Day!

I don't care what the critics say, I like Valentines Day. It's a holiday where crafting is highly encouraged and unrestrained displays of affection are deemed acceptable. It's my kind of holiday. We decided to celebrate last night. My valentine was on call Saturday so I took the opportunity to spread a little love around the apartment. (this is also a good technique if there is any doubt your loved one may forget what day it is)

 I made heart shaped whoopie pies. They were pretty complicated and I was sad that they did not turn out as pretty as they looked in the tutorial. Luckily, looks were not his top priority.

I still have not learned my lesson and I continue to make crafts for Mr. Sabbe on Valentines Day. It's been 10 years, why stop now? This year I made him a little book to tell him all the reasons I both appreciate and love him. (I also love sewing paper)

And lastly I wanted to share this verse with you. My church is currently going through the book of Ruth, which is one of my favorites. It is filled with romantic love. And although, in context, this statement is from Ruth to Naomi, I think it could be borrowed to compose the most romantic love letter ever.

It's very Romeo and Juliet to me.
Happy Valentines Day!

Bostonians! You Should Visit My Church

Visit the website here. We meet in the auditorium of this school. Plenty of free parking! 

I would love to see it get a little greener up here.

Emotionally Healthy Spirtuality: Chapter 9

This was another great chapter entitled "Grow Into an Emotionally Mature Adult." It's main goal was to focus on how we can learn to love others well. One thing I really took away from this chapter was a refresher on the fact that God made all of us in His likeness. He loves all of us. This is something that I constantly forget, especially when I find someone to be particularly frustrating. I probably do not verbalize it, but the content of my prayers definitely reveal that I think God loves me the most and sees things my way through various life struggles. I remember a former co-worker I had who seemed to constantly be on my nerves. I used to pray for this person and I'm pretty sure my prayers were more like "It's you and me against this person God, please defeat them for me" instead of "God, I know you love this person, teach me _______ to make this situation better."

Another subject this chapter addresses is speaking truth in love and being a true peacemaker. Truth in love, that's a tough one isn't it? We're all full of truth, but how to wrap it in love before delivery is not an easy task. Do you have a good friend who is making poor decisions in their life? I have had a few instances where I probably should have worked harder on speaking truth in love, but opted to bow out to avoid conflict or to "spare a friendship." One example of speaking truth could be telling a friend the way they are treating their spouse is not healthy or kind. These kinds of things are tough and we so often hear or say "it's just not our business, we need to stay out of it." But as a family of believers, it is our business, not because we are nosey or self-seeking, but because we love one another and care deeply about each other's happiness. Being a true peacemaker is kind of along the same lines. The book gives an example of group of employees sitting in a break room talking badly about their boss (been there,I was probably leading the conversation). One person wants to speak out and defend the boss. But they decide not to, to avoid the lash back from the group.

My friend Ashley is true peacemaker. I struggle with gossip, I know I do. I try to make a conscious effort to try to avoid people or conversations that I know will lead me down that path. If I am ever starting to gossip to Ashley about anything, 10 out of 10 times she will bring up something nice or positive about the person or situation for me to consider. She doesn't even have to tell me I am gossiping. The contrast of her comments when compared to mine let me know I need to stop. If I had an IPhone I would want an Ashley App.

Next week is a summary of everything we have gone through in chapters 1-9. If you are reading along, I hope you have enjoyed this book as much as I have. Does anyone have suggestions for future blogable books? Is blogable a word? Does anyone want to lead the discussion for another book on their blog?

I will leave you with a photo of Bryan Griswald, taken this past weekend by the newest photog on the block.

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: Chapter 8

This chapter was about observing the Sabbath, something I am not fantastic at. It also discusses something called the daily office, which is a new concept for me. The daily office is the idea of stopping several times throughout your day, anywhere from 2 to 30 minutes to pray or be with the Lord. It can be very formal or as simple as stepping outside to get a breath of fresh air. I like this idea and am going to work to incorporate it into my day.

The Sabbath! I remember in college thinking, I am going to be so much better at observing the Sabbath when I am not in school and do not have homework to do. Then I started working at architecture firms, where my Sundays (the day I choose to celebrate the Sabbath) were often spent in the office, catching up on work for Monday. Now my Sundays pretty much consist of church, then errands, errands, errands, with an occasional home project...not exactly refreshing and recharging. I'm not in school. I work for myself. Where did all of my anticipated "free time" go? I know one thing, if I spent half as much time reading my bible as I do on the Internet, I would be a biblical scholar by now.

What it comes down to is, I choose this rushed, frantic pace for my life. If you know me, you know, the hardest thing in the world for me to do is to slow down. But the thing I am realizing is that this is not God's calling for my life. He should not be just another thing on my list of to-dos. I should not have to force myself to slow down and spend time with him. By Thursday nights at 10:15, when my last design class is over, I am exhausted. Juggling a small business and teaching 4 classes a week can be tough. But I have a feeling my level of exhaustion now is laughable compared to what it will be when our little guy comes. Therefore I am choosing to make a conscious effort to observe the daily office and especially the Sabbath, starting now.

Do you have any tips or traditions in your family that has helped you stay on top of your house, job, children, etc. and still have time to observe and enjoy the Sabbath?

This week we spent our Sabbath touring the new wing of the MFA. What do you think? Potential baby Sabbe look alike? We both do have very large heads.

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: Chapter 7

This chapter is entitled Enlarge Your Soul Through Grief and Loss. It's a pretty interesting topic and not one that many consider in their spiritual journey, at least before grief strikes. The author says "In our culture, addiction has become the most common way to deal with pain. We watch television incessantly. We keep busy, running from one activity to another. We work seventy hours a week, indulge in pornography, overeat, drink, and take pills- anything to help us avoid the pain. Some of us demand that someone or something (a marriage, sexual partner, an ideal family, children, an achievement, a career, or a church) take our loneliness away." Losses worthy of grieving not only include the death of loved ones, as I had originally assumed. They also include loss of jobs, spouses, lifestyles, physical ability etc. The author uses Job, who lost everything (his fortune, children, property) in one day, as an example of a Godly way to grieve. Job says...

 “Naked I came from my mother’s womb,

and naked I will depart.

The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;

may the name of the LORD be praised.”

Job 1:21

 

Can you imagine being able to say the prayer above after you had lost everything!?

 
Each chapter in this book concludes with a prayer. I found this prayer nicely sums up the emotions that often go along with grief- "Lord Jesus, when I think about my losses, it can feel that I have no skin to protect me. I feel raw, scraped to the bone. I don't know why you have allowed such pain. Looking at Job helps, but I must admit that I struggle to see something "new being birthed out of old." Lord grant me the courage to feel, to pay attention, and then to wait on you. You know that everything in me resists limits, humility, and the cross. So I invite you, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, to make your home in me as you describe in John 14:23, to freely roam and fill every crevice of my life. And may the prayer of Job, finally, be mine: "My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you."

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: Chapter 6

First of all, thank you all so much for your sweet words regarding our little bun in the oven. We are thrilled. He is due April 4th. This week I will reach the half way point and I will say, this pregnancy is flying by. His little room basically looks like an interiors work room right now, so stay tuned for plenty of nursery themed design posts. I found out last week that Mr. Sabbe apparently has a pretty strong opinion about what is good and not so good for a little boy's nursery. This should be fun.

This Chapter of EHS focuses on "the wall" that most of us are brought to along our spiritual journey. This wall is a great challenge, pain, loss, struggle, disappointment, etc. or a combination of many, that we are forced to deal with in our lives. Scazzero says " We question ourselves, God, the church. We discover for the first time that our faith does not appear to "work." We have more questions than answers as the very foundation of our faith feels like it is on the line. We don't know where God is, what he is doing, where he is going, how he is getting us there, or when this will be over."

There have been some walls in my life this year for sure. Fortunately I have been able to cling to God instead of pushing him away and I firmly believe that "God powerfully invades us when we persevere patiently through his suffering." I understand that sadness, pain, and loss are not something that God delights in. He weeps with us when we are sad. Our grief is the result of a fallen world, not a fallen Creator. "We make choices to trust God, to wait on God, to obey God, to stick with God, to remain faithful when everything in us wants to quit and run."

In our society it becomes very easy to start viewing God as your personal wishing well. We use terms like "personal Lord and Savior", which is meant to describe your individual walk with the God and the fact that he knows us by name.(Luke 12:17) To many people it translates to a personal assistant and secretary. We pray "I obey and keep my part of the bargain. Now you bless me. Do not allow any serious suffering." One thing is for sure, the human mind is not expected to understand God. We have all known and been saddened over the fact that people die, spouses are unfaithful, natural disasters occur, people lose their jobs, and people struggle with infertility. But it is often not a question of whether God is good, or God exists, until some of these struggles land on our own front door. Why is God good and faithful until it happens to us? And when it happens to us will we realize, this is our wall? Will this be the end of our spiritual journey? I hope not.

I know to some people this whole book may sound like a big downer, calling out all of our life's imperfections. And I just want to point out that I use my life as an example not to say, "oh, listen how sad it's been and all I have suffered", or "look at me, I've been through so much and I still love God, what's wrong with you?" Walking with God is a marathon, not a sprint. Everyones' walk is different, but I will testify that if I had not let the Lord carry me through this year, I would not be in a very good place. I have met with a therapist and spoken with different people over the past 8 months who always ask the question, "How did you make it through this? You seem to be doing so well." And while I am not always "ok", I let them know that my strength comes from my God (which is always interesting in a town where people are very uncomfortable taking about, or giving credit to, God) Like the classic poem reads, sometimes we walk with God and sometimes he carries us. I have not walked in 9 months. If you are at your wall, I truly believe it's the only way to keep moving.

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: Chapter 5

This Chapter is entitled "Going Back In Order to Go Forward." I think this is a concept that might be unfamiliar to most of us. I feel like for the most part we are taught to just get over it or move on and don't look back. As Christians we are called to forgive, but forgiving and forgetting are two different concepts. Wouldn't it be wonderful if deciding to forgive actually did erase the memory entirely? I was recently told by someone that they "chose to forget all the bad memories from their childhood and only remember the good ones." It's a nice thought, but it just doesn't work that way.
The author tells us that "it is not possible to erase the negative effects of our history. This family history lives inside all of us, especially those who try to bury it." I think this is a pretty easy statement to understand, even looking back to biblical examples. We see generations of lying; Abraham to Sarah, Jacob to everyone, all of Joseph's brothers. We see parental favoritism; Isaac favored Esau, Jacob favored Joseph and later Benjamin. We see bad marriage examples; Abraham had a child with Hagar, Jacob had two wives and two concubines. Scazzero lists the "Ten Commandments of your Family." Not all of these apply to every family, but he says the thing to be aware of is "when our family's invisible scripts are contrary to Christ's. When the family commandments passed on to us are so deeply embedded in our DNA that we cannot even discern the difference, the result can be tragic."

Money
Money is the best source of security.
The more money you have, the more important you are.
Make lots of money to prove you "made" it.
Conflict
Avoid conflict at all cost.
Don't get people mad at you.
Loud, angry, constant fighting is normal.
Sex
Sex is not to be spoken about openly.
Men can be promiscuous, women must be chase.
Sexuality in marriage will come easily
Grief and Loss
Sadness is a sign of weakness.
You are not allowed to be depressed.
Get over losses quickly and move on.
Express Anger
Anger is dangerous and bad.
Explode in anger to make a point.
Sarcasm is an acceptable way to release anger.
Family
You owe your parents for all they have done for you.
Don't speak your family's "dirty laundry" in public.
Duty to family and culture comes before everything.
Relationships
Don't trust people. They will let you down.
Nobody will hurt me again.
Don't show vulnerability.
Attitudes Towards Difference Cultures
Only be close friends with people who are like you.
Do no marry a person of another race or culture.
Certain cultures/races are not as good as mine.
Success
Is getting into the "best schools."
Is making lots of money.
Is getting married and having children.
Feeling and Emotions
You are not allowed to have certain feelings.
Your feelings are not important.
Reacting with your feelings without thinking is okay.

Again, I do not think this list is probably 100% true for any family, but I thought it was very interesting to read. As the author says "the great news of Christianity is that your biological family of origin does not determine your future. God does!" We have talked about it before in this series, but I think the best biblical role model for forgiveness is Joseph. His brothers sold him into slavery and told his father he was dead. He was falsely accused of rape and put in prison. After interpreting a dream for Potipher he is elevated to overseer of all of Egypt. Years later, during a famine, his brothers come to him, begging for food. "Joseph could have destroyed his brothers with anger. Instead he joined with God to bless them...Joseph made a choice. It is the same choice we make every day: Is God safe? Is God Good? Can God be trusted?" I say Yes. He. Can.

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: Chapter 4

Unrelated Note: New England falls are the best!

First of all, I apologize that this is two days late! Life has been crazy and after a great church sermon on Sunday, I decided to prioritize actually slowing down and spending some time with the Lord over blogging. So it's taken me a couple of days to get this one up.

The more I read, the more I believe, this is the best Christian book I have ever read. This chapter brushed on several different aspects of how we must get to know ourselves before we can truly know and be in relationship with God. We must be aware of own uniqueness and cherish that God made each of us who we are for a reason. Everyone was created with different emotions, different personalities, different backgrounds, and different struggles. It is easy to become engrossed with jealousy in a society like ours that puts so much value on material goods and a comfortable life style. The "American Dream" tells us that we deserve these things, that we have some how earned these things and this lifestyle. And when we see other's with more than us we say "that's not fair." But who's rules are we living by? Who says what's fair? Basically it comes down to one thing, am I living for man and the things of this world or am I living for God and his promise of something better?

The author introduces us to Murray Bowen in Chapter 4. Bowen is credited with coining the word "differentiation", which is a person's capacity to "define his or her own life's goals and values apart from the pressures of those around them." There are four categories.

0-25
Can't distinguish between fact and feeling
Emotionally needy and highly reactive to others
Much of life and energy spent in winning the approval of others
Little energy for goal-directed activities
Can't say, "I think...I believe..."
Little emotional separation from their families
Dependent marital relationships
Do very poorly in transitions, crisis, and life adjustments
Unable to see where they end and others begin

25-50
Some ability to distinguish between fact and feeling
Most of self is a "false self" and reflected from others
When anxiety is low, they function relatively well
Quick to imitate others and change themselves to gain acceptance from others
Often talk one set of principles/ beliefs, yet do another
Self-esteem soars with compliments or is crushed by criticism
Become anxious (i.e., highly reacting and "freaking out") when a relationship systems falls apart or becomes unbalanced
Often make poor decisions due to their inability to think clearly under stress
Seek power, honor, knowledge, and love from others to clothe their false selves

50-75
Aware of the thinking and feeling functions that work as a team
Reasonable level of "true self"
Can follow life goals that are determined from within
Can state beliefs calmly without putting others down
Marriage is a functioning partnership where intimacy can be enjoyed without losing the self
Can allow children to progress through developmental phases into adult autonomy
Function well- alone or with others
Able to cope with crisis without falling apart
Stay in relational connection with others without insisting they see the world the same way

75-100 (few people function this way)
Is principal oriented and goal directed- secure in who they are, unaffected by criticism or praise
Is able to leave family of origin and become and inner-directed, separate adult
Sure of their beliefs but not dogmatic or closed in their thinking
Can hear and evaluate beliefs of others, discarding old beliefs in favor of new ones
Can listen without reacting and communicate without antagonizing others
Can respect others without having to change them
Aware of dependence on others and responsibility for others
Free to enjoy life and play
Able to maintain a non-anxious presence in the midst of stress and pressure
Able to take responsibility for their own destiny and life

I can pretty  much highlight most of the statements in the first and second category for myself. Kind of scary, but amazingly revealing. Can a human being ever be 100% unaffected by criticism or praise? What do you think?

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: Chapter 3

This chapter had unique timing for me. For the past week or so my mind has been spinning non stop. I have had very few moments where I have been still with God and let him speak to me. I have run, run, run and as I sat down to read this afternoon, my mind was in a constant struggle to stay focused. I am so wordly, I think about worldy things 99% of my waking hours and reflect on God the other 1%. Even at church I am constantly fighting my mind from thinking about one of my projects, or something I have to do in class this week. It's no wonder that I am constantly frazzled.

In this Chapter Scazerro adds another level to our journey towards emotionally healthy spirituality, the practice of contemplation. "Francies de Sale describes it as the mind's loving, unmixed, permanent attention to the things of God." Unmixed and permanent...not two words I would use to describe my daily interaction with God. It basically comes down to the fact that walking with God is not just doing, it's also being. The being part is the hardest for me. A couple of years ago I was in a bible study that read a book called Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World. Great book! Maybe we could go through that one next. No suprise, I am a Martha. I would venture to say that 90% of bloggers are probably Marthas. Who actually has time to write a blog? I bet before we all started writing blogs we already felt like we could use an extra 3 hours in the day to get things done. I never would have thought 5 years ago that I would be giving one of those hours to blog writing or reading. I did not even know what a blog was 5 years ago. But here I am, having made a choice. But I will tell you, every morning I sit down to write or read a blog post before I have spent any time with the Lord, I hear a voice in the back of my head saying "When are you going to choose Me first?" and the reality of how wordly I really am sets in and terrifies me.

He first reviews the characteristics of Emotional Health

• I break free to live in truth. I stop pretending to myself, to others, and to God about what is truly taking place inside me.
• I break free by choosing to live the unique live God has given me. I no longer live the lie of someone else's life or journey.
• I break free by acknowledging my brokenness and vulnerability rather than trying to cover them over. I rediscover God's mercy and grace.
• I break free from the need to attach myself to accomplishments, things, or people's approval to feel okay about myself. I experience the gift of being God's child.
• I break free from the generational patterns of my family and culture that negatively shape how I relate and live today.
• I break free from the illusion that there is something richer, more beautiful, than the gift of loving and being loved.

Then he add the qualities of Contemplative Spirituality

• I break free, on a new level, from layers of my "false self" that I am shedding so that my authentic self in Christ might emerge.
• I break free by realizing things are not as they appear to be. The idols in my life are smashed as the illusion of what they promised is exposed. I get perspective on my life in Christ over and against success defined by the world.
• I break free from the illusion that I will live forever. Contemplative spirituality keeps the shortness of my earthly life as well as the reality of eternity before me each day.
• I break free from selfish desires that consistently move me away from God to do my own will, not his.

It's about being half and half, a balance between doing and being. I am pretty self aware, but most of the time that does not call me to action. I dream of the serenity Mary had as she sat at Jesus' feet. My body is there, but I know there is a lot of world I am going to have to shed before my heart and mind are going to be able to join us. How about you?

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: Chapter 2

If you are reading along, I just want to say, does it not feel like these chapters are written directly to you? That is exactly how they are for me. This second chapter dealt with the top ten symptoms of emotionally unhealthy spirituality. The author begins with a story about a friend who describes himself as being a one-year-old Christian twenty-two times. I became a Christian when I was in the second grade and I have definitely had my highs and lows along the way. But the story made me think, am I still the same Christian I was when I was 7 years old, on repeat for the past 22 years?


Scazzero also brings up in the introduction, "Why is it that so many Christians make such lousy human beings?" I remember one comment someone said to me that will always haunt me. Up until I moved to Boston I would say that I was pretty driven when it came to my sector of the professional world. I happened to work at two very large corporate design firms during my first 5 years out of school and the idea of climbing the corporate ladder was something that very much enticed me. I knew my path and I was on it. The thing I did not realize was in my effort to climb to the top, every morning when I got to the office I was checking Jesus at the door. Now in the afternoon I would pick him back up, go home to make dinner for my husband, and attend my weekly bible study. But from 8-5, I was doing it on my own and it showed. I said whatever I wanted, when I wanted, and thought people should just "deal with it." I criticized people behind their backs if I felt their designs were not up to par. I was jealous if someone got a project I thought I should have. I gossiped....oh did I gossip. One day I was carrying a coffee mug that I had received from a church Bryan and I had visited, it had a bible verse on the side. One of my co-workers saw me drinking out of the mug and walked over and said "Oh, you're a Christian, I never would have guessed that." Wow! and he was right. If I was looking at me from the outside I don't think I would have thought I was a Christian either. How had I been a Christian for 25 years and still continued to be such a lousy human being?

The top ten signs of emotionally unhealthy spirituality are laid out as:

1. Using God to run from God
2. Ignoring the emotions of anger, sadness, and fear
3. Dying to the wrong things
4. Denying the past's impact on the present
5. Dividing our lives into "secular" and "sacred" compartments
6. Doing for God instead of being with God
7. Spiritualizing away conflict
8. Covering brokenness, weakness, and failure
9. Living without limits
10. Judging other people's spiritual journey

I think the best part of this chapter is how in several instances the author uses very popular scripture to show us how even the apostles fell into some of the categories above. For instance, Luke 9:23 says "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." He says most people, including me in some ways, feel this verse means "The more miserable you are, the more you suffer, the more God loves you. Disregard your unique personhood; it has no place in God's kingdom." Have you ever looked at someone else and thought "Their Christian walk is so easy." I remember thinking this a lot in middle and high school. I would think because girls were exceptionally pretty or naturally popular that they did not feel the same day to day struggle I did to "fit in" and therefore did not have to deal with peer pressure, etc. I would also be jealous of the girls who were naturally quite and submissive because I have always been loud and impulsive and it was constantly getting me into trouble. I thought "If I were quite, I would be a better Christian." Scazzero elaborates by saying that we are supposed to die to the sinful parts of who we are when we accept Christ- such as defensiveness, arrogance, and hypocrisy, but we are not called to die to the "good" parts of who we are. God made me a very outgoing, sociable person, and while there are still many instances that I do not use that to glorify him, I am not afraid to share the gospel with anyone who will sit still long enough for me to get it out. I love talking about the Lord. He's my favorite thing to gossip about. And for once my gossip is for good.

Another verse this chapter discusses is 2 Corinthians 5:17 where coming to faith is described as "the old has gone, the new has come!" I have always struggled with this one as well. Why doesn't life always feel new? Why am I still haunted by things from my past? Scazzaro says "The work of growing in Christ, or sanctification, does not mean we don't go back to the past as we press ahead to what God has for us. It actually demands we go back in order to break free from unhealthy and destructive patterns that prevent us from living ourselves and others as God designed."

The last thing that really stuck with me was the "spiritualizing away conflict" section. Good Christians don't fight, right? They pray about it and then it's all better. Or they forgive each other and there is no lingering feelings of resentment, right? Wrong. Why do churches fall apart? They do. The elders of the church I grew up in dismissed the head pastor after he built the congregation, literally from 10 people in school gym to a mega church on it's own campus. Crazy things happen in the Christian world and "spiritualizing away conflict" does not work. Scazzaro tells us "Jesus shows that healthy Christians to not avoid conflict. His life was filled with it! He was in regular conflict with religious leaders, the crowds, the disciples- even his own family. Out of a desire to bring true peace, Jesus disrupted the false peace all around him. He refused to "spiritualize away" conflict."

What signs of being spiritually unhealthy really stuck out for you?

How have you addressed or overcome some of these areas to grow stronger in your walk with the Lord?

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: Chapter 1

I just want to start by saying that I am so excited about each and every woman that has decided to join me to go through the book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. I don't know about you guys, but I found this first chapter to be incredibly revealing and cannot wait to delve deeper into the book. I would also like to say that throughout this series I plan to be very transparent with my own life and spiritual journey. If you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and insight in the comments section of this blog, please do so. If you would like to email me personally to discuss anything this book brings about, I would love that. If you just want to read along silently, that would be perfectly fine as well. I am just happy you are joining us and am excited to see where the book takes us!


An illustration was given in chapter one that compares individuals to an iceberg. Only 10 percent of what makes up an iceberg is actually visible. The other 90 percent is hidden below the water. I know many of us can relate to this, especially those of us who have been involved in the church for some time. The questions like "How are you this week?" and you answer "Fine." or the call goes out for anyone who needs prayer and you sit quietly with your hands folded in your lap, ready to pray openly for anyone but yourself. I am the number one guilty person of these types of responses. Why? Because although I have openly confessed that I am a sinner, who can only be saved through the redemptive work of Jesus Christ, I don't really want you to know how bad of a sinner I really am. Why? Because although I proclaim Christ is all that I need, 90 percent of the time I living my life for man. I want to be liked. And at the end of the day, I keep everything on the surface because if I told you too much about what's under the water, you might not like me anymore.

So, in an effort to be transparent and encourage you to do the same, here is a breakdown of some of the components that would make up my iceberg.

What about you? I found this exercise to be a very good starting point. Here is a blank sheet if you would like to fill one out for yourself.

I found the author's re-occurring theme of "you have to look back in order to look forward" very interesting, especially when he describes his father saying "The way he functioned as a father, husband, and employee reflected his culture and family of origin rather than the new family of Jesus."

How do you define yourself?

I remember one thing that always bugged me during sorority rush in college. They would flash a girl's photo on a projection screen and in support of this girl someone would shout out "she comes from a good family." I know what it meant in that setting, but what exactly does that mean? I think it's wonderful when children are given the opportunity to grow up financially stable, with both their mother and father, in a Christian home. But far too often this is not the case. This was not the case for me. My parents divorced when I was in the first grade. And I love my earthly family very much. But in the fourth grade, I prayed to become a Christian and joined my new family of Jesus. I would like to raise my hand for myself and say, "I come from a good family."

I have heard the same type of phrasing is used when Christian leaders are mentoring young adults on finding a spouse. Does he/she come from a good family? What does that mean? Shouldn't the questions be "Does he/she love Jesus." Did Joseph come from a good family? The Joseph whose brothers thought it would be a good idea to sell him into slavery and pretend he died. The same Joseph whose father had 12 children by four different women. Joseph was falsely accused of rape. He was imprisoned for over 10 years. But did Joseph let his worldly circumstance, his family, or the way people viewed him define who he was? No! He concludes Genesis by saying " You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people." Genesis 50:20

Where has God brought you?

Are you at a level of spiritual maturity to be able to recognize that even the most seemingly senseless pain we endure can be for the glory of the kingdom? I will admit, I do not have this one down yet. Scazzero explains that "pain has an amazing ability to open us to new truth and get us moving." I have experienced immense pain this year with the loss of my younger brother, the destruction of my childhood home, and most recently the death of our first born {cat} child. And there have been moments where I just want to lay down, throw up my hands, and accept defeat. Scazzero says "the sad reality is that most of us will not go forward until the pain of staying where we are is unbearable." I'm there. I'm ready.

What about you?

Emotionally Healthy Spiritually

Morning All! I have a busy day today, but I wanted to share a book with you that I have just started reading, Emotionally Healthy Spiritually

My church is actually walking through the book in small groups. Unfortunately I teach two night classes, which leaves me unable to attend. BUT I wanted to see if there were any blog friends out there who would like to go through the book with me? One chapter a week, any takers?

I know I personally could use a revival in my life. The past couple of months I have been carrying around a lot of junk and last Thursday night, as I laid in bed with my mind going 100 miles an hour and my stomach twisting from anxiety, I realized something has to change. My church has already preached two sermons related to this book and both Sundays I felt like they were speaking directly to me.

Just to give you a glimpse, chapter two has a section called Defining Emotional Health and Contemplative Spirituality and it reads:

Emotional health is concerned with such things as:

• naming, recognizing, and managing our own feelings
• identifying with and having active compassion for others
• initializing and maintaining close and meaningful relationships
• breaking free from self-destructive patterns
• being aware of how our past impacts our present
• developing the capacity to express our thoughts and feelings clearly, both verbally and nonverbally
• respecting and loving others without having to change them
• asking for what we need, want, or prefer clearly, directly, and respectfully
• accurately self-assessing our strengths, limits, and weaknesses and freely sharing them with others
• learning to capacity to resolve conflict maturely and negotiate solutions that consider the perspective of others
• distinguishing and appropriately expressing our sexuality and sensuality
• grieving well

Need help with any of these? I sure do! The book is 10 Chapters, so I will plan to post every Sunday, starting next week for the next 10 weeks. I would love for you to join me, get your feedback, hear about your experiences and struggles. Matthew 18:20 says "For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them"...I think that counts for the blog world as well.

Child of God

"Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me" Mark 9:37

These are some of the sweet kiddos I had the privilege of playing with while their parents were being treated at our clinic. They live in a small Mayan village outside of Valladolid, Mexico. They are so cute it makes my heart hurt. More from Mexico to come.

Therefore Go

I've been so busy that I forgot to mention that I'm going to Mexico this morning!

That's right! I'm going on a mission trip to Valladolid Mexico and I am so excited!

On a side note, I bought this headband yesterday at Old Navy. $6.50 and I love it.

I will be teaching women about discipleship.

We are going with a group of doctors. 

I'm so excited to be a part of a group that is helping people's physical AND spiritual needs.

Pray for me and pray for our team.

"Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. Then Jesus came and said to them, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age"

Matthew 28:16-20

By the way, I have someone very special lined up to blog for me while I am gone. 

Ya'll make sure to make them feel really welcome!

Sunday!

I am so happy it's Sunday. Sunday is a tie for my favorite day of the week.

I just checked my email and wanted to share this with you guys before I forget. My friend and former Pastor, John Bryson, has been working over the past couple of years on  a video series to help prepare Christian teens to take on the college world. John worked in college ministry for over 11 years and really understands the varying types of struggles teens can go through during these very formidable years. If you have a teen I would highly recommend checking it out. It's called College Ready.

On a completely unrelated note, I plan on staring at Mr. Sabbe all day long. We both have the day off and have not seen one another awake since last Sunday.

Staring at him is nothing new.  I stared at him two weeks ago on the T. I told him I was just trying to get inside his brain. He's a very smart man.

I think I more so got into his glasses. But then again, I'm pretty sure his brain was saying...woman, leave me alone and put away the camera.

Luke 2

Remember how I told you that I was memorizing Luke 2 for Advent?

Well these little cuties have shown me up for sure. Aaaadorable.

Advent

I grew up attending a small Baptist church and we did not celebrate Advent. I have attended a couple of different churches throughout my teen and adult years and still knew very little about what Advent actually meant. The church we have been attending in Boston does celebrate Advent, and is placing a huge emphasis on the idea, as seen in the video, of Advent Conspiracy. So I thought I should do a little research. Here are my findings.

What is Advent?
Advent marks the beginning of the Christmas season and the Church year for most Western churches. The word "Advent" means "arrival" or "coming" in Latin and represents the approach of Christ's birth (and fulfillment of the prophecies about that event) and the awaiting of Christ's second coming. It is composed of the four Sundays before Christmas day, starting on the Sunday closest to November 30th, which is the feast day of St. Andrew the Apostle, and ending on Christmas. Because Christmas is on a different day from year to year, Advent may last anywhere from 22 to 28 days.

In the 4th and 5th centuries, Advent was the preparation for the "Epiphany" rather than Christmas. (Epiphany is celebrated in early January and focuses on various events in Jesus' life such as the visits of the magi, His baptism and miracles.) It was also a time for new Christians to be baptized and welcomed into the church, while members of the church examined their hearts and focused on penance. Religious leaders exhorted the people to prepare for the feast of Christmas by fasting. Some say that early documents show that those leaders treated Advent as a second Lent.

Sometime in 6th century Rome, the focus of Advent shifted to the second coming of Christ. In the 9th century, Pope St. Nicholas reduced the duration of Advent from six weeks to the four weeks we currently observe. And finally, sometime in the middle ages--approximately the 1500's--an additional focus on the anticipation before Christ's birth was added to that of His second coming. For a more in-depth perspective, visit The History of Advent.

Celebrating the Season
For Christians, Advent is a time of reflection about the amazing gift that God gave to us in the person of His Son who came to live among us on earth. It is also an opportunity to restore Jesus to His rightful place as the center of our holiday celebrations! Advent is, appropriately, both somber and joyful!

The prevailing themes of the Advent season and the symbolism behind the activities which churches and families share are expectation and hope, preparation and peace, joy and sharing, and most of all, love. These themes are represented in the 5 candles of the Advent wreath. On each Sunday marking a new week in Advent, a candle is lit on the wreath (including candles from previous weeks) until we arrive at the snow-white center candle which stands for Christ! All Advent activities and traditions are grounded in the truth of Scripture...even though the symbolism and stories surrounding them have changed over time. The focus continues to be the great news that the Messiah was and is coming and how we live out our heartfelt longing for both.

The practice of lighting Advent candles began in Germany by non-Christians. They lit candles surrounded by evergreen branches in their windows on cold winter nights to signify their hope for the coming warmth and light of spring! Later, German Lutherans kept the practice alive and gradually the symbolism of the Advent wreath was added: evergreens represent everlasting life (because they do not die during winter) and Christian growth; the wreath is a symbol of God's unending love and of victory; candles represent Christ, the light of the world, and their purple or blue color signify the royalty of Jesus our King! Another tradition saying is that the four candles signify the 4000 years of waiting from Adam and Eve until, at long last, Jesus' birth.

All info found on Teaching Mom.  If you and your family celebrate Advent you should check out her page. She has a list of great ideas to help kids {and adults} understand the meaning behind the tradition.

And although I have not celebrated Advent thus far in my Christian life, I think this year I'll give it a go. I'm thinking the way I'll do it, is to try to break up Luke Chapter 2 (The birth of Jesus) into 25 parts and memorize it, a little everyday. Scripture memorization is not my strong suit, but I figure since I'm 20 years late on figuring out what this is all about, I better go big or go home:)

Do you celebrate Advent? If so, how?

p.s. I'm also a bit pumped about the crafts that are involved in the Advent season. Have you seen this stuff!? It's everywhere. I'm excited to now know what it all means.

God Emailed Me

Earlier this week I was perusing architectural websites and decided I should take a look at what the company I used to work for had going on. I worked in Nashville for two years before marrying the wonderful Mr. Sabbe and relocating to Memphis. So I’m clicking around and notice they have had their annual company celebration where new owners, associates, and senior associates are announced. I’m scrolling through the pictures and low and behold, a designer who started on the same day as me, 5 short years ago, made associate this year. Needless to say, I was a bit jealous and started to think to myself are people my age old enough to be associates in large architectural firms? The thought had never even crossed my mind.

Then I started to feel sorry for myself. I felt sorry for myself for moving to Memphis . I felt sorry for myself, thinking that the company I work with now does not have a well established interiors division. I felt sorry for myself because I cancelled an interview 3 years ago with a firm that did. I felt sorry for myself because I don't have an interior design mentor to help accomplish goals like making associate before the age of 30. I felt sorry for myself because the economy is bad and I don’t want to have to job hunt next month….you see the spiral I was spinning down…….and THEN I got an email {from this website I subscribe to} and it said...


Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
- 1 Peter 5:6-7

And then I was ok again.

Lord Make Me a Bird

Sweet Jenny! Oh I loved this movie...cried my eyes out the first time I saw it. And although all of us have not experienced trials in our life equivalent to the story in Forrest Gump, we've all had moments where we're felt like asking...

"Dear Lord, make me a bird, so I can fly far, far, away..."

{photo}

This week at Downline I had the pleasure of being taught by Dr. Jim Allman of Dallas Seminary. Dr. Allman shared a little insight with us on how we truly are God's little baby birds

and His desire for our fleshy life is that while we're here we'll figure out our wings and fly.

{William Dalton}

And how does the mama bird teach her babies how to fly?

She pushes them out of the nest!

and they fall....

and fall......

and fall.....

And just when they think there is no hope, she swoops down and grabs them and returns them to their nest...

But as soon as they get comfortable....she does it again...and again....and again....
and who knows how many times it will take

Until one day they spread their wings...and fly!

Dr. Allman's point was, trails build character, and if we can pause in the middle of our fall we may be able to see God's hand training us to fly.

Hope you fly away this weekend!

Being Mary in a Martha World

Last week I mentioned a little bit about hospitality and I wanted to quickly elaborate/encourage a bit on the topic this morning because it is something that has been on my heart and oddly enough has been topic of a couple bible studies I join in on. My Tuesday night group is reading a book called Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World. What a great book title right?! I think we all struggle with this one, and I would assume the blogging world is especially suspect….I read your blogs! You women do everything. You are mothers, wives, crafters, chef’s, and some of you also manage a 40 hour work week on the side. I can’t say I keep my schedule much more simple and I do not even have children…if you notice I said multiple bible studies. I have a real problem with the phrase “thanks, but I think my schedule is a little full right now”….I think the word is overcommitted.

If you know the story, Martha is hustling around getting a meal ready for Jesus and his disciples while they are staying at her house. In the midst of her dishevelment her sister, Mary, is smittenly sitting at Jesus feet soaking up his every word. Martha, in all her efforts to make things perfect, lashes out at Mary by demanding that she join her in the kitchen and Jesus replies that “Mary has chose the better thing” .Thus the title of our book asks us, How do we find time to be still with God in our everyday life while also maintaining the crazy schedules of our everyday life?

So our discussion last night on this topic was wonderful and the women of the group were able to offer some amazing insight on how they have both struggled with and tackled this issue. Then I go home and go to bed, wake up bright and early for my Downline class…and low and behold they are discussing the same topic! They even used our book as a reference. Crazy! So I wanted to share a bit of scripture they gave us that I think is a great one for all of us overcommitters to marinate over.

1 Peter 4:8-11
“Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and power forever and ever. Amen”

I’m encouraged! I had to share. I literally gain wisdom out of every word in this passage. Hope you can too!